This is a diary of my journey through weight loss. I hope it encourages you as it helps me through one of the hardest challenges of my lifetime so far.



Sunday, August 29, 2010

Trying not to be Discouraged.

I am going through the hard time that I always do around this time in the diet. (a month to 6 weeks into it).  I am currently in the 6th week of my "lifestyle change".  I have stalled out the last couple of weeks and haven't lost any weight.  That is sooo discouraging.  You feel like what the heck? I have stayed in my caloric range and met my exercise goals.  This is usually the hard time and usually the time I give it up.  However, looking back 6 weeks ago.... I have lost 8-10 pounds (if fluctuates), is half way to my 3 month goal, so that is good. I KNOW I have lost inches because I can feel it in my clothes and see it in my clothes (be it small but it is there).  So I feel the need to reread my goals and contract which I did.  It made me feel better anyway and I WILL keep going. I upped my exercise goals a little earlier too.  From 30 minutes 3 times per week to 30 minutes 5 times per week.  STICK TO IT, STICK TO IT, STICK TO IT..................I may need to say that 100 times.  Now is the time for visuals too I think.  I had not done that yet, because I thought I was doin ok without. I need something I see daily all over the place to remind me.
On a happier note...our oldest son Tyler came to visit last week.  I loved having him here.  He is becoming so wise and grown up in a lot of ways.  (he is 23) I love seeing the adult he is becoming and I love who he is.  Of course God gets all credit, but it also a very nice compliment as a parent. 

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Friends with My Body?

"Exercise for the “right” reasons. There aren’t many bad reasons to exercise of course, so in a pinch you should take advantage of whatever gets you going. But certain attitudes and approaches will help you get a better self-esteem boost. It helps a lot, for example, to tell yourself that you are working out because it is good for your body and you want to take good care of your body. When you do that, you affirm that you and your body are friends—not enemies—and you open yourself up for healthy communication with your body, allowing it to tell you what you need. This will work much better than setting out to burn calories so you can get rid of all that ugly fat you can’t stand."  My inspiration for today. An exerpt from an article I read on Spark People today.   http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_articles.asp?id=591

I never thought of "being enemies with my body" That could very well be a reason for this battle for so long. I think I will try "being friends" and see what happens.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Numbers

I wonder if it would help to think of this as just a bunch of numbers. People in sales are taught not to get discouraged when they hear a no because that is just one more no till they hear a yes.  Just a matter of numbers and if you keep perservering you will get the number of yeses you want.  Just play with the numbers of calories and you will be able to eat a lot and still be healthy. Minutes of exercise is just a number to count. When you reach the magic number it is over.  Some numbers only matter today, because they will change tomorrow.  If you pay attention to the numbers you will not let too many get by you if you don't want them to, and you can smile at  the numbers that are going the direction you want them to.

Some of my numbers today:

       9  hours of sleep I got last night
  284  my current weight
229 1/8  inches I measured on my body
3600  steps I took while walking the dog
    45   minutes to complete walk
      1.5  miles covered in walk
    91  temperature during walk
    80   percent of humidity during walk
  160   heart rate at hardest part of walk
1700   calories consumed 
    12   glasses of water consumed
bajillion  times I have had to go to the bathroom because of water consumption
      6  errands ran
    76  dollars spent 
    16  dollars saved with coupons
      4  paint chips taken to Paradise for new spa room color where I start working Sept. 1
      3 massage appointments on the books (at home not Paradise)
  250  points earned on Spark People
      5 weeks since I last saw Tyler and Ashley & Hunter
    14 days since I last saw Trey
    36   hours since I have seen my husband
      1  hours I have seen Travis since yesterday
     10 time I am crawling in bed tonight

Might sound goofy, but that is my thought for today.

          

Friday, August 20, 2010

Week 5, Day 31

Well I have made it to the gym 2 times in 3 days.  That is big for me.  I will go tomorrow and that will make 3 times this week and that would be the first time I have truly stuck to 3 times per week exercise.  Exercising kicked my butt today.  I couldn't figure why.  When I sat down to write my intake for the day, I think I may have found the answer.  For starters, according to Spark People, I should be eating 1700-2100 cal per day. So I upped the calorie intake.  Next my goal is to burn 323 cal.  Well I reached the calories burned goal and then some. However, before I sat down to dinner tonight, I realized I had only consumed slightly over 400 Cal so far. So when I was exercising I had no energy.  I am not certain that is it, but I am wondering.  I got so much water in today.  95 oz at the time of writing this.  It isn't quite half of my body weight (that would mean I need 50 more oz) but it is very good for me.  And several days I have tried to cram the water in late in the day and into evening.  Then I wind up getting up 2 or 3 times in the night.  Yuck, I think I will try harder to get it in earlier in the day.  I put on a pair of pants yesterday and a pair of jeans today that have been so incredibly tight and they both fit nicely and I didn't feel my breath was cut off.  I have also been wearing some underwear that was too tight and small.  So even if the pounds aren't melting too quickly, the inches are revealing success. Little victories. Now when I can walk into Victoria's secret and buy a pair of underwear, that will be one happy day for me.  I am buying a bra too (I hear they are the best). It will be so nice to buy things from regular sized stores.  I can't wait!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My family.

My best source of support and encouragement. I do believe I am the biggest ever in this photo.  Take about a year ago at Trey's high school graduation night.  I am 17 pounds lighter since then.  I can't wait to be at a healthy weight.

Week 4 Day 28

Yikes!!!!!!!!! Aaarrrggghhhh! You have no idea how much courage it is taking me to do this.  But I must. And I am sure it will pay off in the end.  How did I get this way??? Well I know how, technically, but geez!! This is awful.  I have to stop before I start crying.  That does not help.  Anyway, I am down another 3 pounds.  I love tracking my intake on Spark People.  It really helps.  When I make myself write on this blog it helps too.  Keeps me on track, I guess.  It has been one month and I am on track where I should be. I am down a total of 9 pounds. (my goal was 5-7 pounds a month or so-15 to 20 in 3 months actually) Which is awesome. Another 9 pounds and I should really notice a difference.
Things I am doing well:
Journaling my food intake.
Journaling on my blog.
Recognizing eating when hungry vs. eating related to stress.
Things I need to work on:
Exercising 3 times per week.
Water intake.
Negative thoughts of myself.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Week 4, Day 26

Today I joined Spark People (http://www.sparkpeople.com/) .  It is a free website for helping people to lose weight. Actually it is not just about weight loss it helps a person get on track for good health or stay on track for good health. A whole community with so much information I am overwhelmed. But it has a great nutrition and fitness tracking system and I think it will be great.  Some great inspirational stories too.  I love reading how people lost 50, 75, 100 pounds.  It is so encouraging.  I stayed in my calorie limit today and learned from spark people that I could use a little more calcium and potassium.  Good to know. 

Tomorrow I interview for a Massage job.  Please pray for me as I decide what to do.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

week 4, day 25

 I was doubly inspired today. First,  I worked at my home health job.  I saw overweight, depressed, smoking, dirty, sick people who have lost control of their lives. And not necessarily because life dealt them a bad hand.  They don't make good choices.  When I see a diabetic who is drinking regular pop and makes every excuse in the world for not getting up out of the chair, I feel they are only feeding their disease.  I don't want to be there. When I see another diabetic who hasn't gotten out of bed by noon and hasn't taken their blood sugar, insulin or eaten...how much of that is "bad luck".  Or let me tell you about the most precious 82 year old who has never smoked, was athletic and fit for many of those years (believe me you can look at him and tell) and was a US Navy Pilot. He recently had a stroke and can't drive anywhere and his wife same age just had heart surgery and can't drive either. This weekend they have no food in their cabinets and no money to buy any. He needs medicine he can't afford to prevent another stroke.  Government funding has been cut and so they can't have meals on wheels.  They have no family close. Go back to the diabetics who live with their kids, all are low income and receive food stamps, have medical cards to pay for meds, have multiple kids, and also have all the food they need and big screen tv's. On top of that they blame others for their problems.  How does that happen? Now don't for one second get me wrong.  There are people who are trying and need help, but do they need it anymore than the sweet 82 year old man? I see this more often than I can say.  I try to be compassionate, but it is hard seeing things like that. I don't want to end up like that. I am sure there are circumstances in these situations, but in the end we have control.  I decide to exercise or not. I decide to eat cookies, drink pop, or not. I decide to take my medicine correctly or not.  I decide to do whatever it takes to not weigh 300 pounds or not. And so today I am motivated to continue my quest for good health. 

The second is in my daughter's blog today.  http://www.gogreeno.blogspot.com/ Can I just say this is one great woman? She certainly doesn't give herself enough credit, but she is awesome.  She inspires me in more ways that one and sometimes I can't believe she is mine. What a joy and a blessing she is.  Can you tell I love her with all my heart?
Well anyway, her blog today is 25 things she wants to do while she is 25.  I love it.  Writing it down. Making it tangible.  I would like to make a list of my own and that  is going to take some thought.  Things I would like to do in the next year.  To accomplish even some of the things would be great.  It is great to believe and do it instead of just dreaming and 30 years later you are still saying "gosh I would love to someday......................."
I have taught my kids for their whole lives and now, it's funny, they are teaching me. May I never be so rigid and set in my ways that I can't learn.

Friday, August 13, 2010

week 4 day 24

Well, I haven't done so hot.  I have failed to write and read my inspiring articles daily.  I don't think I have gone over calories too much, but that's just it. I have gotten a little lazy about finding out the calorie count. I have eaten some things that are difficult to count.  I have been to the gym just 4 times since I joined, which is better than none.  And I have continued to write my intake, all of it, in a journal.  So lots of improvement still needed. But I will get it done.  I didn't lose any weight this week. (Not surprised).  But I am still on track to lose my goal for first 3 months.  Just writing today gets me motivated.  This seems to be a really important component.  Also it is a must to keep the right foods in the house.  Hope is not lost. 

Monday, August 9, 2010

Week 3, Day 20

Today was pretty good.  I stayed in the calorie limit (under by quite a bit actually) but I was way short on fruits and vegetable.  I am out right now and need to go grocery shopping.  That is so important. I do way better when all the stuff I need is in the house.  Anyway, will keep on truckin.  I got the massage room cleaned and did my first massage in the new Massage for Wellness massage therapy room.  It was great. It needs paint, holes fixed and a lamp.  I think I will take my kids up on their offer to come home and help.  I imagine they will be wanting massages for payment. :-). It is a good calorie burner for me, so I will be happy to oblige. Trey made it safely to Colorado and hit the streets in search of a job. Brad made it home safely as well. I think Zeke(family dog) misses Trey and Max(Trey's dog) already. He was rather subdued and quiet today and when Brad came home Zeke was all over the place with excitement and couldn't wait to run outside.  Sadly he didn't find them, so Brad will have to do for now. He doesn't eat when he is sad or stressed. I will take note.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Week 3, Day 19

Today stinks a little.  Trey is off to Colorado to live with his sister and go to school. Just what kids who grow up are supposed to do.  As a mom it just makes me so sad right now.  I try not to be, but I love them so much. I want them to "grow and go" but I just want them to live down the street.  Well, needless to say, I didn't do so hot on the eating.  I ate 2 pieces of cake and licked the cake batter spatula and licked the frosting spoon.  aaaaarrgggghhhh.... also I ate a sandwich (good) for supper but then when Trav came home with friends and fixed spaghetti, I ate some of that too.  Eating can definately be emotional, don't kid yourself for one second like I have for so long.  I did get lots done around here though, which probably kept me away from the kitchen even more. I washed lots of sheets and comforters. I thoroughly cleaned Trey's old room and moved another bed in it so now he and Tyler have a place to sleep when they come home.  I cleaned out the cabinet above the washer and rearranged the linens in the empty dresser in "the boys' room" (that is what I am going to call it now since they both have had that room at one time or another), I progressed greatly in Trav's old room (now to be know as "the massage room"). It should be functional by tonight when it will see it's first massage. And Travis is moved into his new space downstairs. And so the craft room has returned to the sub-basement where it all began.  I love it when it is so clean and organized.  Note to self:  clean and organize instead of eating.  Wow! What kind of results that would be!!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Week 3 - Day 18

Yesterday I stayed in the food plan and I "worked out".  Oh my gosh.  This old and overweight body was screaming very early on.  But I did it. I stuck to it and I did it. That is the really victory here.  Not even the weight loss (which IS the whole point) but sticking to something.  A trait I am not so great at. I would say I don't have it.  Anyway. I cooked up my lunch which turned out really good.  Then Travis came home and wanted some so I cooked him some.  Then Trey wanted some so I got it all out and cooked him some also. The point of this story is that I managed to do it all without "tasting" or "sampling" while I did it. Without telling myself it was good for me so it was ok to eat it.  Or just simply the fact that I GAVE it any thought at all. It seems silly I am sure, but it is a little victory for me.  I went to the Band potluck last night.  Potlucks are DANGEROUS for the dieter to say the least. Or at least someone like me.  There is so much good food to choose from.  It always feels like a "special occasion" so you want to try everything, just this time tonight.  After all it isn't everyday one gets treated to all this good home made food.  For once in my life, instead of looking at that glorious spread like a feast and a treat I must partake in by trying a little of everything and wishing I had the biggest chinet platter type plate, I just held my plate till I found the salad.  It wasn't even hard this time, because I just have made up my mind.  Food is just food. When you look at it differently, all of a sudden all that food almost seems rediculous and gross in a way because there is so much and so much waste also.  I am so grateful to be here in this place right now. I did still eat a piece of brownie when I got home though. AND I wrote it down.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Week 2 (day 15)

Joined a gym yesterday.  Stuck to plan today. Exercised 30 min. on treadmill.  Weight at gym I joined had me at 291 earlier this afternoon. Did I really gain 6 pounds? Or is the difference in scales? Or was something wrong last week?  I'm not going to get discouraged. I am still down overall.  I will weigh on the same scale from now on at the gym and try to weigh the same time of day.  I made myself go to the gym and get on that treadmill.  But I really hate being there.  I hate it that people can see me and I hate the whole walking thing.  I feel so awkward with buff gym people in the same place as me.  I will say on their behalf they are very nice and encouraging.  The exercise is so hard for me. Especially at a gym.  I just need to remind myself that if I keep going the rewards will come.  That if someone has something to say then so what.  I am not going to get there sitting on the couch.  So this is how it is.  Just like changing the way I eat.  I still feel embarrassed about going there. aaaarrrggghhh.....

Monday, August 2, 2010

Day13

Today's inspiration. Transformations like this are amazing to me.  Could I possibly be such a success story?? I....CAN.....NOT....WAIT!!!!!!!
http://www.womansday.com/Articles/Health/Diet-Nutrition/7-Weight-Loss-Transformations-Couples-Edition.html

Well now at the end of the day, I have gone over my count. 1914 cal. total.  I had an extra snack today.  I told myself I would eat less at supper and then I didn't.  Another lesson in why I need to stick to the plan.  I think maybe I should write it down immediately with calorie count to have it looking me in the face.  I have not be WRITING down, I have been typing in at the end of the day.  I did it very quickly without thinking and I was a little hyped up when I did it. I just need to settle down.  I am not getting all my water in.  It would help to get the water in because it helps fill me up.  I am learning though that I do eat when I am stressed.  Hmmm.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Some of our favorite friends from school.

Day 12 (Sunday)

Today was great!!!  I stayed on the plan even through Graduation, complete with snacks.  I am so motivated still that it hasn't even been too hard so far.  I know there will be challenges to come, but I am thinking it is so much about mindset and not just about food.  I graduated from Massage Therapy Training Institute today along with Trey.  What a great accomplishment for us both.  I am extremely happy to be finished and ready to move on to the next step. Building my new business.  With this change comes a few sad things too, though.  I will truly miss school and the people I got to know so well.  What a great change this has been for me.  I am so glad I did it.  And........Trey will moving out to Colorado. It is so bittersweet.  Of course I want my kids to spread their wings and be independent like I raised them to be, but I will miss his gorgeous face and funny antics that keep me smiling. He is ready, but it doesn't make my heart ache any less.  Now there will be 3 of my kids in Colorado, which is good for coordinating visits, but it is just too far away if you ask me.  But I will choose to look at all the good in it and stop feeling sorry for myself.  AND by golly I will not EAT to cover the pain.  NO WAY!!!

And let me not forget. This is going to be a great time with Travis.  He will be the center of attention and for once he will be the priority and number #1.  I love you Travis and I look forward to the next 2 years with you.

Day 11

Today was good.  I had a party tonight though and I didn't do terrible, but not great either. See when I go off plan then I don't know how many calories and fat and stuff so it is hard. However, I did the best I could in a couple of ways.  I have had a burger before so I knew how to count that, I wanted a glass of wine so I left out my afternoon snack, I had no idea the "calico dish" so I just took approximately 2 T of it and treated it like chili (after talking to the person who made it-that can tell alot), the shrimp wontons that I made I knew the cal count so that was easy.  All in all I stayed under 1800. However, I could feel myself slowly creeping into an old way of saying "How many times do you have a graduation party? It won't hurt to go off diet one night." Even friends saying "Oh you'll be ok one night." Before I went I just planned and I had my hubby agree to "approve" my plate before I ate.  It wasn't too hard because I am still so motivated, I just feel scared that maybe the count is wrong because of not knowing for sure.  As the contract states, I will not give up and be critical of myself. I am back on track right away.