Week 3, Day 19

Today stinks a little.  Trey is off to Colorado to live with his sister and go to school. Just what kids who grow up are supposed to do.  As a mom it just makes me so sad right now.  I try not to be, but I love them so much. I want them to "grow and go" but I just want them to live down the street.  Well, needless to say, I didn't do so hot on the eating.  I ate 2 pieces of cake and licked the cake batter spatula and licked the frosting spoon.  aaaaarrgggghhhh.... also I ate a sandwich (good) for supper but then when Trav came home with friends and fixed spaghetti, I ate some of that too.  Eating can definately be emotional, don't kid yourself for one second like I have for so long.  I did get lots done around here though, which probably kept me away from the kitchen even more. I washed lots of sheets and comforters. I thoroughly cleaned Trey's old room and moved another bed in it so now he and Tyler have a place to sleep when they come home.  I cleaned out the cabinet above the washer and rearranged the linens in the empty dresser in "the boys' room" (that is what I am going to call it now since they both have had that room at one time or another), I progressed greatly in Trav's old room (now to be know as "the massage room"). It should be functional by tonight when it will see it's first massage. And Travis is moved into his new space downstairs. And so the craft room has returned to the sub-basement where it all began.  I love it when it is so clean and organized.  Note to self:  clean and organize instead of eating.  Wow! What kind of results that would be!!

Week 3 - Day 18

Yesterday I stayed in the food plan and I "worked out".  Oh my gosh.  This old and overweight body was screaming very early on.  But I did it. I stuck to it and I did it. That is the really victory here.  Not even the weight loss (which IS the whole point) but sticking to something.  A trait I am not so great at. I would say I don't have it.  Anyway. I cooked up my lunch which turned out really good.  Then Travis came home and wanted some so I cooked him some.  Then Trey wanted some so I got it all out and cooked him some also. The point of this story is that I managed to do it all without "tasting" or "sampling" while I did it. Without telling myself it was good for me so it was ok to eat it.  Or just simply the fact that I GAVE it any thought at all. It seems silly I am sure, but it is a little victory for me.  I went to the Band potluck last night.  Potlucks are DANGEROUS for the dieter to say the least. Or at least someone like me.  There is so much good food to choose from.  It always feels like a "special occasion" so you want to try everything, just this time tonight.  After all it isn't everyday one gets treated to all this good home made food.  For once in my life, instead of looking at that glorious spread like a feast and a treat I must partake in by trying a little of everything and wishing I had the biggest chinet platter type plate, I just held my plate till I found the salad.  It wasn't even hard this time, because I just have made up my mind.  Food is just food. When you look at it differently, all of a sudden all that food almost seems rediculous and gross in a way because there is so much and so much waste also.  I am so grateful to be here in this place right now. I did still eat a piece of brownie when I got home though. AND I wrote it down.

Week 2 (day 15)

Joined a gym yesterday.  Stuck to plan today. Exercised 30 min. on treadmill.  Weight at gym I joined had me at 291 earlier this afternoon. Did I really gain 6 pounds? Or is the difference in scales? Or was something wrong last week?  I'm not going to get discouraged. I am still down overall.  I will weigh on the same scale from now on at the gym and try to weigh the same time of day.  I made myself go to the gym and get on that treadmill.  But I really hate being there.  I hate it that people can see me and I hate the whole walking thing.  I feel so awkward with buff gym people in the same place as me.  I will say on their behalf they are very nice and encouraging.  The exercise is so hard for me. Especially at a gym.  I just need to remind myself that if I keep going the rewards will come.  That if someone has something to say then so what.  I am not going to get there sitting on the couch.  So this is how it is.  Just like changing the way I eat.  I still feel embarrassed about going there. aaaarrrggghhh.....

Day13

Today's inspiration. Transformations like this are amazing to me.  Could I possibly be such a success story?? I....CAN.....NOT....WAIT!!!!!!!
http://www.womansday.com/Articles/Health/Diet-Nutrition/7-Weight-Loss-Transformations-Couples-Edition.html

Well now at the end of the day, I have gone over my count. 1914 cal. total.  I had an extra snack today.  I told myself I would eat less at supper and then I didn't.  Another lesson in why I need to stick to the plan.  I think maybe I should write it down immediately with calorie count to have it looking me in the face.  I have not be WRITING down, I have been typing in at the end of the day.  I did it very quickly without thinking and I was a little hyped up when I did it. I just need to settle down.  I am not getting all my water in.  It would help to get the water in because it helps fill me up.  I am learning though that I do eat when I am stressed.  Hmmm.

Some of our favorite friends from school.

Day 12 (Sunday)

Today was great!!!  I stayed on the plan even through Graduation, complete with snacks.  I am so motivated still that it hasn't even been too hard so far.  I know there will be challenges to come, but I am thinking it is so much about mindset and not just about food.  I graduated from Massage Therapy Training Institute today along with Trey.  What a great accomplishment for us both.  I am extremely happy to be finished and ready to move on to the next step. Building my new business.  With this change comes a few sad things too, though.  I will truly miss school and the people I got to know so well.  What a great change this has been for me.  I am so glad I did it.  And........Trey will moving out to Colorado. It is so bittersweet.  Of course I want my kids to spread their wings and be independent like I raised them to be, but I will miss his gorgeous face and funny antics that keep me smiling. He is ready, but it doesn't make my heart ache any less.  Now there will be 3 of my kids in Colorado, which is good for coordinating visits, but it is just too far away if you ask me.  But I will choose to look at all the good in it and stop feeling sorry for myself.  AND by golly I will not EAT to cover the pain.  NO WAY!!!

And let me not forget. This is going to be a great time with Travis.  He will be the center of attention and for once he will be the priority and number #1.  I love you Travis and I look forward to the next 2 years with you.

Day 11

Today was good.  I had a party tonight though and I didn't do terrible, but not great either. See when I go off plan then I don't know how many calories and fat and stuff so it is hard. However, I did the best I could in a couple of ways.  I have had a burger before so I knew how to count that, I wanted a glass of wine so I left out my afternoon snack, I had no idea the "calico dish" so I just took approximately 2 T of it and treated it like chili (after talking to the person who made it-that can tell alot), the shrimp wontons that I made I knew the cal count so that was easy.  All in all I stayed under 1800. However, I could feel myself slowly creeping into an old way of saying "How many times do you have a graduation party? It won't hurt to go off diet one night." Even friends saying "Oh you'll be ok one night." Before I went I just planned and I had my hubby agree to "approve" my plate before I ate.  It wasn't too hard because I am still so motivated, I just feel scared that maybe the count is wrong because of not knowing for sure.  As the contract states, I will not give up and be critical of myself. I am back on track right away.