Day 9 Thursday

I read today about 5 people who won their battles with weight and have kept it off for 5 years.  All in a little be different way.  Makes you think it is not the path or the way you do it , but the determination to finish and stick to it, or learning the emotional reasons behind all that weight gain. Went for my 2nd walk this week.  So hot and humid.  Maybe that means more calories burned?  Got all my water in today.  That is a feat in itself.

Day 10 Friday

http://kimbensen.com/about My inspiration of the day.  Thank you Ashley.  It helps so much to read inspiring stories.  I went out for the first time today with my husband for our Anniversary (27 years).  I was so fortunate that there was a "light" option on the menu and the chef said it was around 280 cal.  I am certain I will choose there when possible to eat out in the future.  That made me happy to be able to stick to my plan.  I miss my older kids today.  The ones that live far away.  But I will not give in and eat to soothe it.  Food does NOT rule my life.  My role as a parent, wife, and fulfilled person does not revolve around what I cook and what we eat. There are so many things to do with the time that is not spent in the kitchen.  I must look at it this way.  I love being a cook and being in the kitchen and taking care of my family that way, but I must also now make a choice and I choose longer life with those I love.

Week 1

I did it!! I really lost 9 pounds.  I can't believe it.  I had to weigh 4 times cause I thought surely the scales were messed up.  I have been on many diets but I have never taken off 9 pounds in 1 week.  Wow.  I am very happy.  It wasn't so bad either.  I had alot of food and I didn't feel hungry.  I still wanted bad food sometimes, but the contract kept me faithful.  It can be done.  1 week down, 103 to go.  Today's inspiration?
The scales.

Day 7

Today.  Great until I got home from work.  My total calorie intake was 1855. Way over 1500 and even over 1800.  So, my part of the bargain is to not get defeated and to keep going.  This is such a familiar feeling.  Screw up and throw in the towel.  I have worked the last 3 days at my nursing job and am reminded why I don't want to do it anymore, have come home to that old feeling of not having enough time to do the things I need and feeling stressed because I need the money. I can't massage yet till I get my license.  Can't get my license till I get my transcripts.  Waiting on school for that. aaaaaarrrrrggghhhhh.  So lets have some potato chips, a whole avacado and an unplanned supper. That will make it all better. I knew it was bad news, but I told myself since I have a "range" I have room to add a couple things on this stressful day. I think I would like to cry right now. Ok. Enough.  See contract # 8. I will be kind to myself and begin again immediately.  That means I will finish my water, and go for my walk, and read something positive and inspiring.  And writing this all down seems to help. I think maybe it isn't really that I messed up the meal plan THAT bad, but the feelings associated with the flub up are what I really don't like.  I needed to take a big breath and plan before I ate.  Also the answer may have been to take that walk while stressed instead of eating supper.  I think it is.

Day 6

Today I stuck to meal plan again with a few exceptions.  Some cherries instead of snap peas, and I added a tbls. of butter to my baked potato. I cannot express enough how it helps to have a plan in place.  I worked today and it is a must to plan or I end up eating nothing or fast food.  Plan! Plan! Plan! It just has to be. If I were diabetic there would be no question about my insulin. I would have to make it a priority and budget enough money for it, not run out, and take the required amount.  If I had a horrific infected wound that would take months and much medication to heal, I would HAVE to do what was needed to heal it.  Changing my ways about eating and sticking to it are no different. 

Tyler added to the contract today. Now we are almost there (just waiting for Hunter, no pressure though,only if you want to).

I told my some of my coworkers today about the blog. And I told my best friend Jana, who supports me in everything.  It helps with accountability.  And my coworkers are great. I let the day get away and didn't walk.  I know this will be a challenge for me, but I WILL get my 3 times in.

Today I visited an elderly ill patient in her small apartment (because, like so many elderly, she can no longer live in her home) in the town where I work.  Despite her illness and handicaps, she was outgoing, gentle, kind, and bold.  She just came right out and asked me if I was a Christian.  I said yes and a conversation began that has stayed with me all day.  Before I knew it  we were talking about subject matter that was right on point with what is going on with me in my life right now.  She shared a book about healing she is listening to on tape and it discussed how illness stems from emotional problems in our lives.  She shared a bible verse, John 1:4 "In Him was life; and the life was the light of men." She stated that it had new meaning for her in understanding that without light (literally- as in the sun) we could not live and that God is the light. She was so excited about that and it so fit some things I have been researching and studying in my life.  I don't know if this makes sense, but what a blessing she was to me. And to think I, THE RN was getting paid to check on HER. That was my inspiration today.

My inspiring reading today

I found this on the Dr. Oz website.  It is recommended by Oprah.  I want this book. It looks amazing.
http://www.oprah.com/health/An-Excerpt-from-Geneen-Roths-Women-Food-And-God
or click on My inspiring reading today

Day 5 (Sunday)

Another successful day in sticking to the menu plan.  I can tell you that it definately helps (so far) to have it all planned out ahead of time.  And sticking to the plan perfectly at first is just what I have to do. I can't seem to deal with decisions right now so it is best that I just follow the plan and not think about it.  Today I am a little tired of salad and vegetables and it makes me a bit crabby. I am really not hungry, just wanting something but don't know what.  I guess this is when I just need to do something and take my mind off eating.  I wanted to snack on a some chips on the counter, and an open box of cheez its. I wanted one of the cookies at craft club today, but I just stayed away and the men helped by putting food away.  They are learning too.  So after supper, I got rid of food right away, and I just cleaned up, did the dishes and forgot about it.  It seems like I want to eat just because it is there sometimes.  Later on, when I am sticking to it and successful, I think I can handle a piece of cake occasionally or some ice cream.  But for now, I just am sticking to the plan no matter what. This is such a mind game.  I wonder if it could be compared to sports that say they are 10% physical and 90% mental (or however it goes)?

Day 4

Yippppeeee!!!! I passed my Massage Therapy test today!!!  I am so happy about that!!!  Just a few more steps and I will be working in a career that I am so excited about!!!  When I was driving home I was feeling so good and was thinking what is ahead for me.  I felt for the first time in I don't know when that I REALLY CAN do anything I set my mind to.  I have always told my kids that and I guess it is time for me to believe it as well.  I felt I could succeed as a Massage Therapist and at a new healthy life with a new body to show for it.  I can't wait!  As for the health plan, I read a most inspiring article in Shape magazine about someone alot like me, I shared my blog with my sister, and I stuck to the meal plan mostly.  I will be honest. I was hungry while cooking supper so I got out the cucumber and red pepper and snacked on it while I was cooking.  I ate 11 shrimp instead of 10 like I was supposed to and I ate 1/4 cup more rice and it was white instead of brown.  All in all pretty good though.  I noticed that I wanted to "celebrate" my test passing by going out to eat.  And I had a lot of nervous energy this afternoon and that made me want to eat as well. I drank water which helped. I am struggling with the required amount of water but I am getting at least half of it in.  I will need to turn that nervous energy into activity.  I tried to start a cleaning project, but it is so big, I just did a little and decided to make cards for craft club tomorrow instead.  This is also a great way to release that energy I think.  I talked to all my kids and husband today and that is always good. 

Day 3

The contract is waiting two more signatures, but verbal has been received from all. My patient husband, Brad, my fabulous daughter, Ashley, who is truly excited and her dear supportive husband, Hunter, my eldest son, Tyler, who loves my honesty and transparency, my middle son Trey, who is encouraging my walks (and says he will walk around shirtless to remind me of a true speciman of health), and my very sweet son, Travis, who pledged to clean up around the house more to relieve some stress.

It is all so encouraging.  I can't do it without them.  This is definately one factor that will make this diet be the one that works.  I mean, life style change not diet. I have never felt like so many were on my team before. Usually I am at it alone, because, after all, it is my problem.  But how grateful I am to have involved them.  I knew they would flood me with support, love, and encouragement so I can't possibly fail. 

Well I stuck to the plan today except for adding an extra cucumber in there.  But then again, I did stick to the plan because if I have to put something in my mouth it will be a vegetable or fruit. I packed exactly what I would eat while away at work (which was easy because it was "mapped out") and after supper asked if someone else would put away the food (so I wouldn't be tempted to cheat and take bites) then I would do the dishes.  They were most helpful. I switched 30 minutes of Yoga for the walk because it so blooming hot and humid outside.  That is something I hope to get good at because I love it.  But right now, let me tell you, it is NOT easy for this big girl to do.  But I am not giving up.

The 2 year plan is up (as I see it now). I plan to stick this plan, just may tweak it a little along the way.

I take my Massage & Bodywork Licensing Exam tomorrow.  I will not let that stress me and cause me to eat wrongly.  I just won't do it.

Day 2

Well I stayed under 1800 calories but I prefer 1500. But that is why the range so I don't get too discouraged. I went to the grocery store for about 2 1/2 hours which all the exercise I did today.  Still with in my plan.  So this is good.  I won't lie though, I so wanted to buy the ice cream that is so good and was on sale for a great price. After all it is for the boys right? They are the ones that will eat it. Not me. (said in my most sarcastic voice) I noticed 2 times "taking a bite" when I really didn't need to tonight.  Thankful I noticed.  Also, did not map out the meal plan today.  So it was a tad harder.  I am definately going to make that a priority.  Now that I have all my groceries for the week that should be very easy.  I have heard from the kids and they are all on board.  Now to get the contract signed.  Hope to have that tomorrow. Then I plan to share my 2 year plan.  I am wanting to truly feel like this is it.  Fear creeps up in me though that, like a million times before, I will fail. But I am not giving up. I refuse.

Pros and Cons of Losing Weight

PROS

• decrease blood pressure and swelling and eliminate medication
• decrease current high risk for health problems
• decrease discomfort, eventually eliminate it
• breathe easier
• garden easier because my size won't be an issue
• increase my energy and not be so tired all the time
• decrease feeling of being self-conscious of my size everywhere I go
• live longer, better, happier, funner, etc. etc. and on and on
• be able to wear clothes that I like and not just settle for those that will fit
• feel "freer" because I can move better
• be more active because I am not lugging around all those extra pounds
• be able to be more active with my kids and future grandchildren
• increase self-esteem
• be able to massage better and for a longer time (would be able to meet several goals in this area alone)
• truly be me
• more smiles, more happiness
• break free of the chains that have been holding me down for so long!

CONS

• hard to do-a lot of effort
• not fast -will take time
• will never be able to eat whatever I want whenever I want
• maybe a little scared of who I might really be underneath-what if those I love don't like the new me?

The Contract

The contract is in it first draft. It has been sent for approval and pledge commitments. I will anxiously await the replies. Next I will work on my pros and cons list of losing weight.

Getting Started.

I am about to embark on a journey through weight loss and hope to end, make that WILL end in the land of healthy living. And I mean LIVING. I have struggled with my weight, seriously, since after the birth of my 4th child. I was bigger then (17 years ago) than I had ever been and I am now 50 pounds heavier than I was 9 months pregnant then. My story is not unlike many you have probably heard or read. I wasn't always overweight, but when the pounds started coming they just kept coming. I would lose off and on, and then gain back. My biggest problem over the years has been STICKING to it. I have used every excuse known to man. And finally, I have awakened to something I can't even describe. I AM TIRED OF BEING FAT! I am tired of being tired, sick of being sick. I am through being ashamed and unattractive. I never want to feel trapped inside this body anymore. I don't know for sure what it is that hit me over the head like a ton of bricks, but I am done. Through this journey, maybe I will finally learn why I seemed to want to stay this way for so long.

To get started, I am asking my family to help me with a signed contract that includes a plan with measurable goals from me and a statement from them about how they will be making a supportive commitment to me. When that is finished I will share. Look on Friday (that is my goal to get it finished).